mon favorite!

so, i don't have a lot of favorites. or rather, i have too many favorites to name. i have no idea how everyone else seems to be able to choose one thing that they like best. favorite movie, band, music, color, book. i always have to qualify the answer. my favorite comedy is... my favorite classical piece is... my favorite color to decorate with is... i can't choose just one thing! i like too many! it's like the whole world is telling me that i have to define myself by choosing one single item. and what if i can't be defined by one thing? what if i'm a person who needs to like a lot of things to be who i want to be? what if i don't want to choose a favorite? i don't see that as a bad thing. i am allowed to like what i want, even if you don't like it.

so my favorite? my favorite depends on the day. today, my favorites seem to be dave matthews, white wine, and cleaning. tomorrow, probably something completely different. it's all part of the fun.

et la verite...

the truth is, i hate making decisions.

i mean, i really, really despise decision making.

there are some things that i'm ok with. when to wake up, what to eat, what i should do for the day. i'm talking more about the big ones. the future life decisions. the things that will impact my life. the things that i have to decide soon.

i think it's natural to feel a little bit hesitant in making these types of decisions, mainly because they are pretty monumental. however, lately, i have been practically paralyzed by the fact that i have to make a decision.

it's not an easy decision. it's not a simple choice. and i have no idea how to go about making this one.

the truth is, for the first time in my life, i have no idea what to do. there are a lot of things i COULD do, but very few things that i WANT to do. i am having a hard time trying to sort out my thoughts, and the opinions of others. i'm trying to do the best thing for everything, and i have no idea how to even think about myself first anymore.

i guess the truth is this: i wish i could make decisions. i wish i knew what to do. i wish that things were completely different. but they aren't. and i don't. and i can't.

the truth is that i just don't know.

maybe that's ok, but it definitely doesn't make me feel better.

je suis desolee

so for the past three days, i haven't posted a blog at all. and yes, it's because i've been so exhausted. but it's also for another reason.

the sims have moved in to my house.

i never thought i would get sucked in to a computer game, but i have, and big time. it's not even that cool. you have people that you control, blah blah blah.

but once you get started, it's next to impossible to stop. i played ALL day on sunday. and i do mean ALL day. it was a little ridiculous.

so now there is one more thing to distract me from accomplishing what i set out to do for the day, but i promise, i will be better. or so we all hope.

hope your weekend was fabulous!

le vendredi noir

black friday.

the words alone convey a certain amount of panic.

i mean, think of other events throughout history that have been marked with the label "black."

black tuesday.

the black death.

the black eyed peas.

ok, so you get my drift. it's not normally a good connotation. however, for most people, the day after thanksgiving (i.e. "black friday") is normally a fun filled up-before-dawn adventure to scout out the best deals and get as much christmas shopping done as possible.

that is, unless you happen to be a retail employee.

this year was the first year that i got to witness the insanity that is black friday from behind the glass. the people pushing each other to get at the goods. the people running to the precariously perched displays. the people shouting because there was only a limited quantity available.

it. was. nuts.

granted, i love finding a good deal. granted, normally i am one of those crazies waiting at 4 am for something perfect at such a good price. normally i understand.

but really?

i cannot understand having to call an ambulance because of a fist fight. i cannot understand bringing an employee to tears over something she has no control over. i cannot understand pushing a child out of the way so that you can reach something 30 seconds faster.

this year, black friday seemed just that...black.

people, it is NOT that important. sure, great deals are great (hence, great deals) but they are NOT the be all, end all.

i'm glad black friday is over. i'm glad i'm sitting down. and i'm glad you all got your gadgets and gizmos so that christmas can be a joyous occasion at your household. but most of all, i'm glad that maybe we can go back to being sane. that we can take a little time to let someone pass in front of us. that we realize that even retail employees have feelings too. that we really remember what christmas is all about.

hope your shopping excursions were all you hoped them to be. :)

dinde (ugh!)

happy thanksgiving everyone. this is one of my favorite days of the year (and not just because i don't have to work). we get to eat lots of food, spend time with family, and watch the cowboys lose. it's a fabulous holiday. there's only one thing wrong with it.

that's right, turkey.

i know, i know. turkey is delicious. whatever.

but did you know that turkeys are responsible for approximately 7 deaths a year? that their beaks can pierce the flesh of an armadillo? that they have sniper-like skills when it comes to honing in on an opponent?

ok, these "facts" may not be 100% accurate, but they are a vicious bird. trust me. i had a bad experience.

so this thanksgiving, let's give credit where credit is due (and not to the damn Pilgrims either, but there will be a rant about that next thanksgiving) and ignore the ferocious fowl. they have no place in a day of joy and love.

hope you all have a wonderful holiday! eat some pie for me. :)

--ashalee

et plus, et plus, et plus

do your ever have the feeling that your stuff is slowly suffocating you? because i have been having that feeling lately. i have too much. stuff, that is. i have too many clothes, too many books, too many albums, knicknacks and papers. i just have too too much.

so today began the process of uncluttering my life. i guess that isn't completely accurate, since i did go through my closet a little while ago and cleared out two boxes of clothes. however, today, i also filled 2 boxes with books, another box of clothes and 3 garbage bags full of crap. granted, my room looks like a war zone at the present moment, but i feel SO much lighter. (although i still have to take all of that stuff to salvation army.)

it's incredible the amount of things we collect--and even more shocking to me, the sheer amount of stuff that i had that i simply didn't need. why did i feel the need to purchase so many pairs of dark wash jeans? why do i have 18 green tops? shouldn't there be a limit on the number of alexander hamilton biographies one owns? ok, so i didn't throw away any of my hamilton materials, but that is never going to happen.

i guess the point i'm trying to make is that i should start paying more attention to what i am buying and collecting, instead of just getting more and more stuff. all time low may say it best, "too much of anything is too much." it's great to have nice things, fun things, interesting things, showy things, pretty things and all the things in between, but the nicest things of all are the things you don't keep.

so as we enter the holiday (i'm about 21 minutes out), i think i have finally realized that i am over stuff. i'd much rather keep the things that take up no space at all--my friends who constantly make me smile, my family who constantly encourages, and the memories that i make every single second. i'm not going to let my stuff smother those things any more.

sweet dreams everyone! :)

--ashalee

aujord'hui

today was nothing out of the ordinary. i woke up, ate some yogurt, changed my sheets and went to work. i took the same way, talked to the same people, washed some dishes, and even cleaned the catbox. it was a fairly typical day.

however, there is just something about today that makes me feel accomplished. like i have succeeded at some great task. like i can do anything with the days that i have before me. and maybe that's all that i need. i need to rejoice that i have made it through another day. i am alive, God still loves me, and i have hope for my future.

ordinary doesn't sound so bad after all.

le travail

ever since i graduated from college, i have been obsessed with figuring out what i want to do for the rest of my life. it's been pretty rough for me. i like to think it's because i have a lot of differing interests and i could be good at a lot of different things, but it's probably because i have something bordering on ADD. anyway, while i think i have figured out what my dream job is, and how i am going to achieve it (more to come in later blogs, i promise), i am having a lot of problems being patient with the progress and content with where i am.

i know i probably shouldn't complain, because i do have a full time job and health benefits, which is a lot more than some people can say in this economy. however, i really dislike my job. i don't know if it's my attitude about the whole affair, or whether it's really that bad, but some days i can hardly bring myself to go in to work. it's not that my job is that awful, or that the people i work with are terrible, or even that my boss is horrible. it's the fact that i don't see myself growing where i am. and i think the scariest feeling in the world is to feel like you have no where to go.

i am tired of feeling stuck. i want to move forward with my life, and with my goals. i have high hopes, big dreams, and the will to accomplish them all. now all i need is the patience to see them through.

thanks for listening... or whatever it is you're doing. :) hope you're having a perfectly lovely day!

--ashalee

le cinema avec ma famille

there are rarely times when i feel superior to others. i feel as though we are all equal in the eyes of God and i have no place putting my needs or thoughts above others. however, last night, standing in line for a movie, i definitely felt better about myself and my actions.

last night, i went to the movie "the blind side" with my parents and M. (it was amazing, but we'll get to that in a minute.) it just opened this weekend, and so since there was a slight buzz around the movie we were told to get there early. turns out, there was quite a line. but not for our film. see, if you remember, there was another movie opening up this weekend. a movie about vampires. a movie about werewolves. a movie about bad acting and teen angst. that's right. new moon, in a theatre near you.

i'm not lying to you, standing in close proximity to nearly 100 teenage girls who were talking about nothing more about how they LOVED a fictional character, or whether they were on "team edward" or "team jacob" made me feel light years better about my own life. even better? when i went to the restroom, i'm almost positive i saw the teen girl squad.

http://homestarrunner.com/tgsmenu.html

i have nothing against "twilight," i've read all of the books, and i enjoy them immensely. they are a fantastic escapist novel, and there's nothing better to do when you're feeling a little bored and need something a little brainless. however, these girls were out of control. pushing and shoving and screaming. it was a little reminiscent of a n*sync concert, back in my day.

anyway, half a tub of popcorn, two sodas and almost an hour later, we got in to our movie. and what a film. it was absolutely amazing. it makes you laugh, makes you cry, and ultimately makes you think about decisions that you make everyday. decisions that effect you life, and the lives of others. it was a GREAT movie, and i would highly recommend it.

after that, my parents took us out to eat, and then we came home and we all sat down and played trivial pursuit (M. and i kicked major butt). i think i put game night on my list is because whenever we sit down and play, it always reminds me of being a kid, and there just isn't enough time in the world for that. last night was so much fun, i can't wait to do it again!

hope this sunday morning is finding you rested and peaceful.

love and pie.

101 in 1001

so, this seems to be the biggest trend lately, and while i'm not usually one for jumping on bandwagons, there is a lot to be said for making goals and sticking with them. 101 in 1001 gives you a chance to make some goals (both big and small) and a realistic timeline in which to complete them. the goals must be SPECIFIC, no ambiguity here. this is my list:

1. get rid of my excess-clothes, shoes, bags, books

2. take a cooking class

3. take a spontaneous road trip

4. learn to swim

5. start/finish my classics reading list (1/108)

6. take a yoga class

7. write letters to all my friends from high school

8. pay for a meal for someone i don't know

9. see 5 concerts (1/5)

10. pay off my credit cards

11. have a poker night with all of my guy friends

12. ride a horse

13. learn to play piano

14. run a 5k

15. take 10 pictures of myself that i really love (0/10)

16. go skiing

17. visit yellowstone national park

18. host a murder mystery party

19. have an e-mail pal from france

20. see a steeler game at heinz field

21. spend an entire day speaking in an accent

22. bake a cake with my cousins for their birthday

23. wear a bikini

24. play violin in someone's wedding again

25. get really good at halo

26. help my mom paint her kitchen

27. get my dad on facebook

28. not wear make-up for an entire week (0/7)

29. visit NYC

30. stop working at my current job (completed 3/01)

31. attend a poetry reading

32. go on a blind date

33. volunteer at the local animal shelter

34. tailgate for an iowa game

35. save up for/make a large purchase in cash

36. go gambling with my grandpa

37. play in the snow

38. spend a whole day with my best friend--no phones, children, or talk of work

39. create a piece of art that i would be proud to hang on the wall

40. tackle a home improvement project with little to no help

41. host a tea party, complete with my grandmother's silver tea set

42. work out every single day for one month (0/31)

43. scrapbook all of my fantastic pictures from college

44. watch "the shining"

45. have an old-fashioned slumber party before e. gets married

46. play chess with my dad (0/3)

47. go ice skating

48. bowl with my brother (0/3)

49. go on a double date

50. plant the garden with my mom

51. buy something off e-bay

52. bake an honest-to-goodness apple pie from scratch

53. change my own oil

54. go hiking at malanaphy springs

55. vacation with the K. family and the H. family

56. listen to one of my friends WITHOUT giving advice

57. in the same vein, don't speak for one whole day

58. eat dessert first, for once

59. sing karaoke

60. write a letter to someone who has made a difference in my life

61. write a letter of apology to someone who i have hurt

62. throw a surprise party

63. go camping

64. go to christmas at luther 2010

65. wear two different socks for a whole day, and not obsess over it

66. nordicfest 2010!

67. bike on ragbrai, at least 3 days

68. have board game night with my family once a month (1/33)

69. bake cookies for the police officers/firefighters in town

70. not watch ANY tv program for one week (0/7)

71. cross the border to canada

72. spend a day at the spa

73. go to 5 museums (0/5)

74. move out of my parents house

75. pay off one of my student loans

76. build up my "W" fund

77. go to a beach

78. organize all of my essential paperwork into my filing cabinet

79. send something needless (but completely adorable!) to P.F.G.

80. learn to draw

81. not eat meat for 3 months (0/93)

82. start learning german

83. research graduate school options

84. go on a d-town bar crawl with A.L.

85. write on my blog each of the 1001 days (17/1001)

86. give a waiter/waitress a completely generous tip for doing a great job

87. finish my 2010 christmas shopping before thanksgiving

88. learn to french braid my own hair

89. get a postsecret published

90. send flowers to 5 amazing women (0/5)

91. donate to a worthy cause yearly (1/2)

92. learn to shoot a gun

93. go to a zoo

94. write a paper to be published

95. help kansas plan her wedding

96. fit in to my "skinny" jeans

97. get a bikini wax

98. mail a random, anonymous letter telling someone how great they really are

99. paint my own pottery at potter's obsession

100. donate $5 for each unfinished item

101. write a new list when complete!

to be completely honest, this list was one of the major reasons for creating this blog in the first place. my 1001 days starts now, November 21, 2009. as i complete tasks, i'll be blogging about them, so be sure to keep your eyes peeled for updates. :)

mon premier "blog"!

this being my first blog, i am a little unsure of how to begin. i mean if you're reading this, chances are you stumbled upon it on accident and really have no desire to read what i say, or how i feel. however, i am a firm believer that every single one of us needs an outlet to release pent up emotion, and this is the easiest way i could think of to be rid of mine.

a little about me: i'm a 22 year old college graduate who hopes to go back to graduate school soon. my life has not turned out exactly as i planned, and while i'm trying to accept that God my have other plans for me and my life, it's incredibly hard to change goals and directions. currently, i am living in iowa, and while i don't think this is where i would like to spend the rest of my life, i do think i will be here for the foreseeable future.

i love: diet coke, chinese food, warm socks, my friends and songs you can sing along with.

i hate: lying, dirty dishes, bad drivers, close-minded people, and cold showers.

ultimately, i am a happy person with a lot to say. you'll see.

love and pie-

ash-a-lee